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Accept others to be perfect in their unique not perfect way.

  • Hi Gal, how are you doing? I sent you an email with the structure of Salary Negotiation conversation, did you see it, did you read it? What do you think? Do you want to train with me?

  • No, I didn’t open your email, because the Subject of the email was “Technology for Salary Negotiation” - I think it should be “Techniques for Salary Negotiation”, that’s why I didn’t open the email.

Being right or requesting the perfect and the highest level?

Photo: @Mikhail Nilov on Pexels

Sometimes it brings us tooo far from our goal, from our professional and our personal goals. Unconscious automatic actions.

We are doing these actions not from ego reasons, only from the reason that everything should be correct, perfect, the code should be run correctly. Binary systems of thinking - black or white, one or zero - nothing in the middle does exist.

Yes, we understand that there are things in the middle, we discuss about it, we listen a lot of lectures, webinars, movies about it, but in real situations we behave in a way that, there is no grey area, there is no middle stage….middle doesn’t exist - only perfect.

The roots of perfectionism are in our childhood:

  • Rigid, high parental expectations

  • Highly critical, shaming, or abusive parents

  • Excessive praise for your achievements

  • Low self-esteem or feeling inadequate

  • Believing your self-worth is determined by your achievements

  • Black-and-white thinking

  • Efforts to feel in control

  • Cultural expectations

Many perfectionists grew up with unrealistic expectations from parents, caretakers and/or themselves.

Perfectionism is encouraged in some families. Sometimes parents knowingly or unknowingly establish perfection as the standard. These parents require straight As in school or flawless piano recitals. Mistakes are also harshly punished in these families. The punishment may be severe, even abusive. This can include name-calling, yelling, shaming, the silent treatment, and physical punishment. It is conveyed to the child, in words or actions, that mistakes will not be tolerated.

Perfectionism can also be learned by children growing up around highly successful, perfectionist parents who model this way of thinking and acting. Perfectionism is encouraged when children are praised excessively for their achievements rather than their efforts or progress.

Perfection becomes a way to gain acceptance, love, and praise.

Are you a perfectionist?

  • You can’t take criticism.

  • You’re critical of others.

  • You procrastinate.

  • You expect yourself to be instantly good at things.

  • You’re motivated by fear of failure rather than a desire for success.

  • It’s your way or the highway.

  • You equate success with happiness.

Try to impress yourself, not anyone else.

Accept your negative qualities, things that you don’t know, things that you can’t do.

Accept others to be perfect in their unique not perfect way.

And it doesn’t mean to be super acceptable, super flexible - find your balance.

And learn to change this balance with each and every person you talk to.

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