“I am tired of asking you the same request a number of times.
When I ask about my salary.
When I ask about my education fund.
When I ask about my holidays.
When I ask about compensation.
Do you hear me? Am I transparent?
This is so important to me, why can't you even schedule a talk?
I am tired. I am tired of being nice. You are killing my motivation. I don’t want to be here any more.”
It happens in any relationship, the same at work.
Bad bosses come in all kinds of flavors.
Ideally, good bosses take the time to proactively ask what’s working and what’s not in your one-on-one meetings with them.
But when your boss is not listening to you, you have two options: Either do nothing and hope your boss realizes you are unhappy, or you can take actions to make yourself heard.
Some of us avoid dealing with our boss and are not comfortable talking in a direct way or in a timely manner to them. We are expecting them to understand us, we are waiting too long with our expectation, rather than have a rational, logical conversation with the manager, we explode ― often with emotion leaving the core message to get lost in. Totally lost.
The first thing we hear: “ I didn’t realize you were feeling like this, why didn’t you tell me?”
Most of us are not sharing our feelings. We don't know how to do it.
When we deal with bosses who are not understanding us, we may want to jump straight to quitting as the “path of fastest relief.” But one way to figure out if we can save the relationship is to take the time to understand where our boss is coming from.
Before we start the conversation with our boss, discover what exactly blows our fuse? What meaning or explanation do we give to his behavior with us?
“I am not important”
“I am transparent”
“No one want to hear my opinion”
But it’s not true! IT IS NOT TRUE!
By bringing this explanation you create this reality. By seeing the world this way you believe the world is this way. You play the game where this is the truth.
AND you don’t need to prove to anyone that you are important, and that you are not transparent and that your opinion matters - YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW IT, deeply, inside you be it. Doesn’t matter who said something to you or didn’t answer you, you can deal with any situation without being upset or nervous.
Come down. Breathe. Drink a glass of water.
When we stabilize the being, let’s deal with the doing.
When you bring a problem to your boss, make sure that you have a number of solutions in mind.
Please be aware of your expectations: to have a boss who’s job is to be your friend or to make you feel important. Smart bosses realize that an organization will get better results when everybody feels like part of the team and has a chance to contribute – but not all bosses are savvy. Some of them want to be, but don’t know how. REALLY! They read a lot of books, listen to podcasts, but they didn’t know how to turn this ability on. BE GENEROUS.
Understand what’s your boss’s agenda, what are his and companies goals and PLAY at the same team with him, not against him. Don’t work to prove yourself that you are right, work to play together and achieve goals.
Share with your boss what is the impact of his behavior on you, what is the impact of his behavior on your job, on your team, on the effectiveness of your company with ZERO DRAMA.
Talk to your co-workers: Is the boss just ignoring you, or is he or she tuning out everyone? If it’s just you, you may want to sit down with your boss and a third party (your boss’s boss, perhaps?) to discuss how to improve communication.
If nothing helps - it’s time for change - either your boss or your job.
If you see that you do it every time, with almost every job - take a coach and discover what is there in your way of communication that your managers don’t get you.